thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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