Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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