i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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