When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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