You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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