My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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