Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
