Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
