just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
