i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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