Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
