I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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