Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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