Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
its not stalking. its research.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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