im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
