he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
