She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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