Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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