Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
