We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
God, I missed his penis.
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