i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
