first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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