Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
