she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So much rum. So many feels.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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