i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
