i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
