How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
