I looked at my own cervix.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
