Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
