people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
