she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
