Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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