The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
