someone threw a dead crab at me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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