did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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