Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
