Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
