Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
