i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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