I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
