when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
