he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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