It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
