my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize