Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
