This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
