i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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