Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
