Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Randomize
