I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
