i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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