Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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