It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
