I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
whose parrot is this?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
