remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
