I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
