no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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