wakey wakey hands off snakey
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
