I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
