it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
