If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
