I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
