Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
