Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
