Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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