I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have aggressive nipples.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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