That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
