as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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